Monday, December 13, 2010
This is just a re-post.
This post by my lovely friend Martini sums up everything that I want (and maybe need) to say right now...
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
When it comes to friendships
This past summer has been the *most* trying summer of my life. I went through the lowest lows I’ve ever gone through in my life.
My life started on its 180 turn approximately around the time I celebrated my 28th birthday in May. I can recall having a few breakdowns for no apparent reason. One of which occurred spontaneously in front of three of my dearest friends – two of which I don’t get to see more than once a year…if that. I was mortified and embarrassed but so thankful to have such a close circle of friends who supported me and helped pull me through. No questions asked, just lots of smoooshes and tears and hugs.
It was also around that time that I started to realize how badly I needed the comfort of my friends. I am a pretty independent person and I have always found it hard to ask for help in any way, shape, form. The “fixer” role has always been mine, so to rely on others to help me pull through rough times was difficult.
Taking that first step to ask for help was hard. Actually…it was impossible. Thankfully I have a good group of friends who love me for me and can seemingly read me like a book.
When many others were gossiping and literally shutting their books with their stories involving Lex, a select few saw the struggles I was going to and reached out even when I tried to mask what I was going through. It’s difficult for me to appear weak around others so I try to put on a strong front. Big smiles, goofiness and laughter masqueraded the meltdowns I was having when I was by myself. Those select few saw past my mood swings, never judged me and always reached out…and reached out some more even after the times I avoided them.
The words of wisdom and advice offered by these amazing few were invaluable . My head was in such a tailspin – it was often hard just to make a simple decision such as “what bra should I wear with this shirt.” At the time I didn’t realize how deep into a rut I was falling but I’m telling you… I was nearing rock bottom… and did eventually hit rock bottom.
Summer was spent with many impromptu Starbucks visits full of laughter, deep conversations and tears. I was floating in between friends who were gracious enough to give me a roof over my head during this new and crazy time. Even though I was floating, I started to realize how lucky I was to have friends who would pull out all the stops to ensure I had a place to eat and sleep, and also try to get me to laugh a little.
Things now have settled. Well... they're settling. I am in a much better place but I still have several low days. The time I've been given has allowed me to sit back and reflect on what I want to spend time on in the future, and *who* I want to spend my time with in the future.
There have been several lines drawn in the sand over the past few months. A few friendships lost. Looking back, though, as sad as it is to lose a friend… there are just some people who aren’t deserving enough to be called one of my friends. That is terribly hard to come to terms with but I know I will be a much happier Lex in the end.
I’ve realized I’m not wasting time on people who mistreat me. Not wasting my time on people who jump to conclusions and those who judge me. If someone isn’t going to take the time to get to know me for me, then I am better off without them in my life.
Going forward I will be spending more time getting to know ME and spending more time with the people who mean most to me in my life. Those who don’t betray me, don’t judge me, and will stick with me through the very thick and the very thin times.
There’s no need for me to name names – you wonderful people know who you are and I'm not about to call anyone out. I may not say it enough, but I love you and cherish our friendship. You’ve shown me what wonderful friends you can be, now it’s my turn to do the same.
I may have a small circle of friends, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. The quality is so much more important than the quantity.
Monday, June 14, 2010
First I want to say a big “Thank you” for all of the positive comments left on my last post about my 5K birthday run. Y’all are too sweet!
Secondly, I will apologize (again… for like the 100th time) for my delay in posting but once again life has taken over. I have been going through a lot in my personal life and have been pushing through the stresses which has put blogging to the side.
Today I will leave you with an update on what’s to come for me in the activity department.
I really did have a LOT of fun doing the 5K and although I wasn’t terribly impressed with my results I do not regret any part of it whatsoever! As what normally happens after a race, I caught the ‘race bug’ and decided I wanted to sign up for the Valley Harvest 10K in October (10-10-10).
Seriously – that is oodles of time away from now and oodles of time left for me to prepare. I started a new run/walk program WAY back to basics – which I needed because I have only gone out for a run 2x since the 5k run on May 23rd. My new run program (which has been adjusted and postponed several times in the past few weeks already) takes me to the end of August. So by then I should be able to effectively complete a 10K. This is a good plan because I KNOW life is going to get in the way and interfere with my training. With summer being around the corner, moving into our new house – I know I won’t be able to follow my schedule to a “T” but it’s been laid out with a few weeks of forgiving.
Here’s the kicker….
I *also* caught back onto the P90x bug. I was doing some random Googling on Saturday and decided to hop back onto the P90x bandwagon. See, I tried this program last year and never followed through with it. I got a wrist injury then simply got completely de-motivated and just stopped doing it.
Looking back at when I started I was a few pounds less than what I weigh currently and I remember how dissatisfied I felt in my own skin. So… this past Saturday I re-took my “before” P90x photos (which are horrendous, believe you me!) and I also added the P90x workouts to my run schedule.
I am a creature of habit and I whole heartedly want to follow my schedule exactly but I know that’s not going to happen. I don’t know whether to forgive my runs or forgive my P90x. The runs are needed to help me train for October however the P90x workouts are needed to keep my muscles “confused” and working to a goal of getting lean & toned!
It’s only a few days in and already I have to wiggle some stuffs around. I didn’t do my scheduled Saturday run however I *did* do the P90x workout. Sunday I made up for the lack of Saturday run by doing a 16k Hike up Cape Split.
Here’s where we’re running into a problemo, my friends. Sunday morning I woke up feeling not only sick but CRAZY sore from the P90x workout on Saturday. I toughed it out and decided VERY last min that I still wanted to do the Cape Split hike and had a wonderful time with Les doing it….. BUT my body started to shut down. On the way back my soreness from the P90x along with the general soreness of the uphill hike really started to set in. Not to mention, I’m still feeling sickly. When we were finally done the hike I could barely sit down to take off my shoes/sit in the car. My ass muscles were TIGHT folks!
We went for supper afterwards when the sick REALLY kicked into the body aches so I was a mess. Poor Les had to put up with me!
By the time we got back to the city and I finally got home I was toasted. I had a hot shower then bathed in a hot epsum salt bath. Then it was sleepytime for me.
Today I still have body aches and I’m still sick but I was a trooper and went to work.
Now I am at home and I’m contemplating doing the Cardio X vid. I don’t think it’s going to happen – instead I may swap today’s Cardio X with Wednesday’s Yoga X workout. I’m also not in the shape to run so this week’s running may be pushed back by a day. Hopefully the Yoga helps me tonight and I can run again tomorrow (not to mention walk around like a normal, functioning member of society!)
Sorry for the long winded post but that’s my update. I hope I can keep up with this schedule and work my tootsie off whilst (I’ve been using that word a lot lately) continuing my 10K training plan.
Here’s some pics from the Cape Split adventure:
Sunday, May 30, 2010
A week ago today I ran the Bluenose 5K run…. which coincidentally fell on the same day as my 28th birthday.
That was a good/not so good thing for me. I was super excited to do the run ON my birthday however there were several events leading up to the race that prevented me from training and other events that did not help me physically in the race! (Hello, birthday drinking!)
At any rate the day was fantastic! It was a beautiful and HOT sunny day which helped keep me in good spirits! Yay, spring is here & summer is just around the corner!
Pre-race we headed out to Les’s house who did a fantastic job hosting the carb-loading dinner. Spaghetti with some salads. mmm! I was up later than I’d hope to be that night but I didn’t want to miss out on spending time with the ladies. As soon as I got home I got my race day gear all laid out which was a great idea since:
a) I am forgetful and
b) I am NOT a morning person!
I knew it was going to be a warm-ish day but I didn’t know how warm it was going to get. I ran in a lulu tank, Nike shorts, my Zensah compression leg sleeves and a lulu headband. It was hard for Dave to see me running since I was all in black with only a little bit of my pink sportsbra showing and the spandex part of my shorts was pink.
Waking up that Sunday morning I was slow-going. The late night and busy birthday weekend had really gotten to me. As excited as I was for the race, a bigger part of me just wanted to enjoy sleeping in on my birthday! Finally I rolled out of bed, had a sip of coffee and got ready to go!
We met up with the crew (less Tara & Marie who were already off & running) at Starbucks then made our way over to the starting line. The energy at the race was incredible!
All of the people lined up for the 5K were eager to get started and I fed off of everyone’s energy! I got goosebumps when I heard Eye of the Tiger playing. This is it! We’re finally here!
Les & I were quite a ways back in the lineup so it took us a few minutes to cross the starting line but when we did we were off! The race starts with a minor incline and there were still tonnes of people finding their pace so it was a bit discombobulated. Thankfully Les squeezed her way in and out of people so I followed. She was running at a quicker pace and kept looking back at me, but I had to shoo her to go! Run girl run! Don’t worry about me! I know that girl can give’er and I am a much slower runner so I wanted her to give it what she had and not worry about me!
Once she left I was alone with myself and was doing alright. Then dehydration started to set in (thank you alcohol….) along with the temperature rising outside and it started to get tough. The first water station was fairly early in the game (I THINK it was about 1.5km in I could be way off though) but I grabbed that cup o’ water and chugged it down. It was after the 1st water station where I started to take my walk breaks. The heat was seriously getting to me and I could tell how dehydrated I was because I felt like I was foaming at the mouth. I was chewing gum at the same time (still not sure if this was a good thing) which seemed to help keep my mouth moist but it was a temporary fix. When we hit 2km we were at a straightaway on a street that offered a lot of shade thanks to the large puffy trees. The shade was welcomed but I was hurting for more water. It was during this stretch were I really took many walk breaks. In hindsight I think back and wonder if I could have pushed myself through it a bit more because here’s where I lost a LOT of time.
The only route marker I noticed during the whole race was the 2km flag. The rest was kind of a blur and I had no idea how much longer I had to go. I did have Garmin set up to finish me in 35minutes so I watched my pace, but when I realized my pace kept getting slower than my target pace I think I got a little discouraged. I would run a few minutes and catch up, but be panting and foaming at the mouth so bad (or what felt like it anyway LOL) that I ended up walking more than I’d hoped. There were groups of women nearby that I used as my own pacers. I tried to stay behind them or jump ahead of them when I could. This helped because I knew I wasn’t getting too far behind. I never really set out to ‘pass’ anyone and gain time because my head couldn’t stop thinking about how thirsty I was.
The second water station came up and I guzzled that down which seemed to temporarily help. It wasn’t too far after the 2nd water station where I saw the finish line… and I saw the incline it was on.
For most, this really wasn’t much of an incline but for me, my body was hurting, my legs were jello and I was ridiculously dehydrated at this point. I knew I wanted to finish running rather than walking so I took advantage of a walk before the final stretch then pushed to finish strong.
I remember seeing the finish line and just beyond that I saw the start line. My head was so messed at this point and I started to think that someone would play tricks on us and have us run THROUGH the first red sign (finish) only to have to keep going and actually finish at the second red sign (the actual start). My thoughts were nonsense at this point.
Thankfully the finish line WAS, in fact, the finish line and I ran through it. As soon as I ran though I saw Les who came up to give me a hug. I don’t know what happened but I wanted to burst out crying. I was hurting, hot, dehydrated and exhausted. Also a little disappointed in myself for not being able to push through it more. I held in my tears and didn’t cry and Les reminded me that it doesn't matter what my time was…. I FINISHED IT.
She was so right.
My time was 39:40 but my actual chip time was 36:29. My goal was to do it in 35 minutes or less but I psyched myself out during the race when I saw my pace was too slow… which I think made me give up a little.
I’m still thrilled that I finished it. I really had a lot of fun and I want to do it again.
Here are my results:
Category Women 20-29
Category Place 131/194
Gender Place 612/980
Garmin had me finish 3.11miles in 44minutes so I’m not too sure what the difference was there. I didn’t stop Garmin at the finish line but I definitely didn't start it until I crossed the starting line.
I can’t wait for the next one.
I was so full of energy after the race. We went into Lululemon and I was going to treat myself to something, but I didn’t have my wallet with me and it was crazy busy so we left.
It was on this walk where I decided I wanted to celebrate my birthday and have a drink.
So, we went for breakfast and with my eggs, hashbrowns, perogies & bacon I enjoyed a nice cool, refreshing Ceasar. Mmmmmmm.
I could feel the alcohol running through me and this helped to calm me down a little and also helped me go for a relaxing afternoon snooze.
I have decided to start from scratch and start a whole new learn to run training plan. This one starts off with a LOT more walking which I am going to use to take advantage of just enjoying getting outside, as well as use to get used to the hills in my area. Most of my previous 5K training was done indoors but after running the race I could tell my body was thinking “F-U” because of the crazy differences!
There is a race in the valley in October (10-10-10) and my training plan should have me finishing a 10k race right around that time so I have a few months to train my arse up, mentally prep myself and do that 10K.
I’m doing it.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Thanks to everyone who commented on this post wishing me well for my run! Your words truly helped me out!
I also want to do a shout out to Linzi who shares a birthday with me! I haven't been around to wish you a happy birthday so I hope it was a good one!!!! Mine was great!
In the next few days I hope to update more frequently. I have a few things I want to blog about - first and foremost a recap of the 5K.
Here's what's coming:
- Bluenose 5K recap
- May long weekend recap
- Birthday night recap
- *NEW* running training plan.... I am thinking of doing a 10K in October! eek!
Friday, May 21, 2010
It’s 6:30 AM (a time that usually doesn’t exist for me) and I’m writing this post.
I KNOW I haven’t updated in a while.
I KNOW my running journey has been MIA – which makes me terrified for Sunday’s 5k race but I’m still going to give’er!
This early morning is a FABULOUS ONE! The fog is dissipating, the sun is trying to creep out, my Just Us coffee is brewing and I’m SOON to be heading out the door to pick up my beauties:
YAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SOOOO lucky that these girls are coming this weekend (lucky because they get to celebrate my 28th birthday with me!) Whoot!!!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Alright, so I know I’ve been MIA for a while. I will likely still be in and out here and there but I want to ensure I have something written down (for me to reflect on) when later on I read about my first 5K race.
Seriously folks, it’s 1 week away from today!!
Even though I haven’t been blogging, I’ve still been training when time permits. I haven’t ran in almost a week but if you click my daily mile widget to the right you will be able to track my shizzz.
Right now I’m in kind of a freak-out mode. Seriously… one week away. 6 days ago I finally completed 5k in my training plan… huge accomplishment for me… but it took about 50 minutes to do that. I’m wanting to run my race in between 30-35 minutes but I have zero confidence that is going to happen.
Trying to stay positive here and really trying not to be negative about it…but it’s like I haven’t been able to push past a running mental barrier with myself. I read about the fantastic progress other people have made (Hello, and so i ran! You inspire me like you have no idea!!) and then assess my situation and I feel like I haven’t really accomplished much.
I’m still running at a SLOW pace on the dreadmill (4.5-5ish).
I’ve still got CRAZY heavy feet that I can’t seem to push through.
I still find ways to talk myself out of pushing past the next minute in training (“oh, just walk an extra minute instead of run…”)
I would freaking LOVE to run the 5k through and through, no walks… but I can barely manage 3-5minute runs! How the frig can I run 3.1miles straight through?
Angie sent me an amazing email last week that really got me pumped. It was perfect timing and of course said all of the right things… I just have to get past my own mental blocks and figure this out.
Regardless, however this madness turns out, I AM going to have fun! It’s my birthday and I’ll be running a 5K, AND super special girls from the West coast will be here to cheer me on, AND I’ll be running the race with super special local girls! There’s no way it won’t be fun!
I bought myself a pair of cute running shorts over the weekend – I was going to get a super cute running skirt, but I’ll be wearing black Zensah leg compression sleeves so I decided to just stick with shorts. (fashion faux pas?)
It’s SO windy here and where I live is quite elevated (which equals even MORE wind) so I decided to do tonight’s run indoors. I got dressed, accessorized with Garmin & Zensah, went downstairs to the treadmill but damn… the light was on which meant someone was already in there. (I don’t do small spaces well and I don’t want to run in a mini home gym when someone else is in there LOL). SOOOOOOOOOOOO because it’s already 8pm I’ll be postponing my run to tomorrow.
The training schedule is to run 10 walk 1 until I hit 5K but I’m going to just try running the sucker and taking walk breaks when/and if needed throughout – while maintaining a focus on running straight through. It’ll be like a mini race trial.
We’ll see how that goes!