Sunday, April 12, 2009

OK.. this is it...

I have been truly inspired by my fellow bloggers. Their eating habits, exercise habits. There is *no* reason I cannot follow suit.
I have *not* been giving my all.
I have been slacking on exercising.
I have been snacking on terrible foods (candies candies candies) way too much!
I have *not* been taking accountability for my own actions.

This is it. I owe it to myself to get the ball rolling. There are so many days where I think, "why bother?" I grew up with a different struggle with my weight than a lot of people. I was soo skinny and had twig legs, and people would call be anorexic. I could eat and eat and eat and eat whatever i wanted, whenever I wanted, however much I wanted.
Life was grand. (minus the name calling from dingbats.)
I was naturally skinny and had a crazy high metabolism. I also danced since the age of 3, so that 'helped' me I guess.

I know exactly when I started to gain weight. I had left an emotionally abusive relationship that I was in for 5 long years. I moved in with my dad and we ate what he always eats: spaghetti and meatsauce, kraft dinner, perogies (I am ukrainian so that is a staple in our house). It seemed like it was the same foods being recycled each week for supper.
Then there was the me quitting smoking factor. When I left my ex, my dad did not know I smoked, and I woudln't smoke in his place, so I'd snack snack snack to keep myself busy. I would take BAGS of (dill pickle/ketchup) chips up to my room and chow down. That combined with pop, candies. The list goes on. I was just trying to keep my mind off of the smoking.
When I went out, I'd still smoke. It wasn't until I moved all the way across the country to be with Dave that I actually *quit* smoking.

Anyway, long story short. You can see my pattern of eating.
I feel that the stress of an emotionally abusive relationship + smoking lots + walking around a lot to get to and from work kept me at a nice size, but when I left I started to develop terrible habits.

Since then I've acknowledged that I've gained weight. I am aware that I need to DO something: exercise, eat healthy, to prevent me from gaining more and more as the years grow on.

When I went on my vacation last year I hated my body, I disliked my weight. And I was completely aware of that feeling all year; however a year later I am 10lbs heavier and still in the same standstill in terms of exercise & eating habits.

A while back I posted some of the reasons I have for wanting to lose weight. I really need to review those and keep them in mind. I know there are people who are struggling more than i am, but this is about being happy with myself. This is about being comfortable in my own skin, which I'm just not.

I need to stop being so lazy.
I need to MAKE TIME for exercising!
I need to REALLY eat right!

This is it, folks!

I hope to stop procrastinating once and for all!!

Old and fuzzy picture of a picture, but you can see my tummy that I miss so badly:

This pic was about 4years ago, in between abusive ex and wonderful current. You can see me with my smokes in hand...

And hrm, whaddaya know.. I have no recent pics of me. I can't stand taking pics anymore...
Here's one of me trying on a bridesmaid dress (not the one I'll be wearing) It's not the most flattering pic (I hate having pics taken, and I was talking throughout the whole episode)...


Cat_82 on April 12, 2009 at 5:10 p.m. said...

Lex, you are a true beauty at any weight, but I DO understand your desire to get back to the 'old' you.

You can do it! I KNOW you can, and I'll be here with you every step of the way!

Jen on April 12, 2009 at 5:45 p.m. said...

I COMPLETELY agree with what Cat said...I think you look gorgeous in all 3 pics, but I understand what you mean!!

Are you at Capital X in the second pic?

farm girl. on April 12, 2009 at 11:15 p.m. said...

i hear you! although i took a slighly different path (moving away from family, marriage, quitting smoking, baby), i think we're in a similiar spot!

team hrm, let's go! one day at a time, and one pound gone at a time.

Herbalife Las Vegas on April 13, 2009 at 4:30 a.m. said...

When I was in younger and in High School, I played sports and didn't have to worry about my weight at all. Wow did that change when college came.
The reason you do it is the biggest thing. It doesn't matter how easy the "how to" is if you don't have a strong enough "why"
Love the pics!!
Happy Easter!!

Angie All The Way on April 13, 2009 at 1:14 p.m. said...

Power to you girl for getting fed up! (I wish I had of done the same thing before it got out of hand).

What better way to start than to spend this Saturday with us on our hike! ;-)